It was around 3:40 in the morning.
In real life, Jon woke up and got out of bed to go to the bathroom. I woke up, aware enough that this is what he was doing. In the 2 minutes that he was gone, I fell back asleep deep enough that I did not hear the dump truck noisily emptying the dumpster next door. Just the same, in those 2 minutes, I had a dream bad enough that I woke up hyperventilating and proceeded to bawl hysterically for the next 30 minutes. I was then sort of calm enough to talk to Jon about, but after that it took another half hour to fall back asleep and today my eyes are puffy and my stomach feels awful and full of gas bubbles from all of the air I swallowed.
The thing is, to most people, the dream would not have made them that upset.
Jon and I were either getting ready for bed or just generally winding down for the night, but it was still light out. We walked up our stairs and he said, smiling, I have something to tell you. I suspiciously ask what. He says that he has been "chewing for the past year". My mind immediately goes to Big League Chewing Gum and I thought it strange that he felt he had to fess up to chewing gum every day at work. I tell him it is okay. But then it hits me - that is not what he meant at all. I stop and I say, Wait, do you mean gum or do you mean tobacco? He, again smiling, says tobacco. I flip out. He is laying on his bed, still smiling. I say, I f-ing knew something was up! In my dream, I start crying here. I get on the bed and I say that I love him so much that it hurts, and I would never do something like that to him. He basically brushes it off, and brushes me off in the process, saying its not a big deal. And I back away from him and can barely get my thoughts to focus as I tell him that I have to leave, that I cannot stay with him, that I cannot be with him. He thinks I am way over reacting and as I am changing out of my pjs and putting on clothes to leave, he basically sarcastically says Okaaaaaaay, you can leave. At this point, I wake up.
The really upsetting thing about it was how he was totally ignoring my feelings. I felt absolutely heart broken when I woke up. Now honestly, I do not expect everyone to understand my psychoses over tobacco, alcohol, and drugs. But I do expect Jon to respect it, and his blatant disregard in my dream was, quite literally, my worst nightmare.
Jon rubbed my back until I was ready to talk, and he assured me that he does understand and I never have to fear anything like that. He is good to me. My stomach is in knots today though, which is really obnoxious.... so I am taking the morning easy and just trying to rehydrate. :/
The good news out of all of this is that I should be safe from another dream like this for at least a month or two. They come around about that often.
Friday, July 23, 2010
Saturday, April 10, 2010
April 10th
I know that I have not updated this in awhile and I have had many many many dreams in the meantime, especially over the past two weeks. I will try to stay up on this, but it is hard if I cannot write them down immediately in the morning.
The one from this morning is already fast-fading.
I remember a house, and snow, and being angry that I was leaving it so late because of the weather. I remember some sort of secret lecture that we went to when we left the house. I was traveling with a family (my family?) and there were many children in a big van that I had to watch over. We went to the lecture and Jon was there, so were two friends from work. The friends from work were glaring at me. Jon was not sitting with me, and next to him was sitting a guy who kept staring at me like he knew me. I was not incredibly interested in the lecture, and it was a dark room where they were going to show a movie. So they said. I pulled out my laptop and started to email Jon when the mystery guy came over. I quickly shut the laptop and he said something like Good, you already have a pair. He meant my polarized sunglasses. I was not sure what he was talking about. I got up and started to leave the room because I was tired of being in there. Two people, a boy and girl, followed me. In the hallway, there was this rectangular column, but pretty big. The girl asked me if I wanted something different. I was confused. The lecture was going to be about vampires, whether they were real or not. The girl said that they were, and I was being offered the opportunity. If I did not, I could go back into the room and die like the rest. If I took it, I could save them all. There was no choice really, with Jon in there, and my friends from work. I said yes, and the column opened to reveal this small monster, to whom I had to offer my neck. I got scared and asked if it would hurt. He (it) said yes, at first. I closed my eyes and moved closer. It hurt.
The scene darkened and opened again, but I did not feel very different. I was a bit disoriented, but I went back into the room. Again, my friends were glaring at me, this time with suspicion. I saw Jon and the "family" I was traveling with, and I was scared. I went to leave again. There were people out in the hallway now, no column, and I shocked myself by thinking about how tasty their blood would be. I stumbled out, wanting to get out of there. I knew I had to leave Jon. But as I went out, my family caught up with me and I realized that I could not just go, I had to take care of them. I had to control myself and do the best I could for them. And so we left.
Time came in snapshots after this. The birth of my daughter, who could heal with her breath. She had other powers and was quite an old soul in a small young body.
I think after this, I had a dream that was mostly unconnected. It involved me going to the grocery store to buy food (possibly for the family) and my car turned into a protege/hatchback. There were two guys in the store withme, in matching track suits. And the one guy was on the phone with someone and he was gossiping about how he was out on a date with his gym trainer. I lost my car momentarily in the parking lot because I was listening to this guy and how happy he was. I found it, and started to put the groceries in, but my car was so so hot, and I had left some clothing and food in there. I *think* this happened after I left whatever family vacation thing I was on. There was a guy in there too, sleeping. He had had the windows closed and I wondered how he could do that, butI think maybe he was a vampire too.
And I woke up.
The one from this morning is already fast-fading.
I remember a house, and snow, and being angry that I was leaving it so late because of the weather. I remember some sort of secret lecture that we went to when we left the house. I was traveling with a family (my family?) and there were many children in a big van that I had to watch over. We went to the lecture and Jon was there, so were two friends from work. The friends from work were glaring at me. Jon was not sitting with me, and next to him was sitting a guy who kept staring at me like he knew me. I was not incredibly interested in the lecture, and it was a dark room where they were going to show a movie. So they said. I pulled out my laptop and started to email Jon when the mystery guy came over. I quickly shut the laptop and he said something like Good, you already have a pair. He meant my polarized sunglasses. I was not sure what he was talking about. I got up and started to leave the room because I was tired of being in there. Two people, a boy and girl, followed me. In the hallway, there was this rectangular column, but pretty big. The girl asked me if I wanted something different. I was confused. The lecture was going to be about vampires, whether they were real or not. The girl said that they were, and I was being offered the opportunity. If I did not, I could go back into the room and die like the rest. If I took it, I could save them all. There was no choice really, with Jon in there, and my friends from work. I said yes, and the column opened to reveal this small monster, to whom I had to offer my neck. I got scared and asked if it would hurt. He (it) said yes, at first. I closed my eyes and moved closer. It hurt.
The scene darkened and opened again, but I did not feel very different. I was a bit disoriented, but I went back into the room. Again, my friends were glaring at me, this time with suspicion. I saw Jon and the "family" I was traveling with, and I was scared. I went to leave again. There were people out in the hallway now, no column, and I shocked myself by thinking about how tasty their blood would be. I stumbled out, wanting to get out of there. I knew I had to leave Jon. But as I went out, my family caught up with me and I realized that I could not just go, I had to take care of them. I had to control myself and do the best I could for them. And so we left.
Time came in snapshots after this. The birth of my daughter, who could heal with her breath. She had other powers and was quite an old soul in a small young body.
I think after this, I had a dream that was mostly unconnected. It involved me going to the grocery store to buy food (possibly for the family) and my car turned into a protege/hatchback. There were two guys in the store withme, in matching track suits. And the one guy was on the phone with someone and he was gossiping about how he was out on a date with his gym trainer. I lost my car momentarily in the parking lot because I was listening to this guy and how happy he was. I found it, and started to put the groceries in, but my car was so so hot, and I had left some clothing and food in there. I *think* this happened after I left whatever family vacation thing I was on. There was a guy in there too, sleeping. He had had the windows closed and I wondered how he could do that, butI think maybe he was a vampire too.
And I woke up.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
